A PRAYER

Refuse to fall down.
If you cannot refuse to fall down,
refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down,
lift your heart toward heaven,
and like a hungry beggar,
ask that it be filled,
and it will be filled.
You may be pushed down,
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you
from lifting your heart
toward heaven—
only you.
It is in the midst of misery
that so much becomes clear.
The one who says nothing good
came of this,
is not yet listening.

C.P. Estes

FACING DEATH MEANS CHOOSING LIFE

Facing death involves a choice – we can choose to resist the movement of our lives or we can get on the train of life and allow it to carry us where we are meant to go. There can be no substitute for the clear purpose of heading toward the end of our lives with intention. Pointing ourselves toward where we are heading is not morbid, and does not mean we are dying to the life we are living. It means we are giving form to our existence and viewing with clear sight our present location, as well as our destination. We are not denying where we are heading and thereby shrouding ourselves in the fog of denial-which prevents us not only from seeing where we are going, but where we are currently at.

MELLOWING WITH AGE

Time marches on and prepares us for what lies ahead, if we are willing to become something other than an image we are holding on to. The picture we have of ourselves must be allowed to change with time. The edges become worn with experience but not necessarily frayed. If we focus on the surface image alone, then the tension will cause deterioration. If we allow ourselves to bend and wrinkle and be folded by time, then timelessness becomes part of the wisdom which shapes our aging.

It’s a sad irony that holding on to the picture of youth does not makes us more vibrant and strong, but rather weaker and more fragile. There’s a wisdom and beauty that comes with allowing ourselves to be transformed by the ages and stages we are going through. At the end of our lives we have risen to new heights of wisdom and accomplishment if we allow ourselves to be carried where we are meant to go.

This is a silent achievement which will not receive rewards and recognition from anyone else. We are the only ones who will know and the knowledge of how we have mellowed with age, will allow us to die with contentment and peace.

Faithful Friend

I have learned that death is a teacher and a friend. The crowning achievement of our lives is opening the door to let this faithful friend in. Why would we deny access to the companion that has never deserted us? How could we have lived our lives to the fullest without this teacher and friend that is always present and ready to show us the deeper meaning in everything we do? Would we be so moved by the beauty of a blooming flower if we knew it would live forever? Would we appreciate the need to love deeply and forgive quickly, if we didn’t see that the chance to do that might slip away? Death is the end for which there was a beginning.

LIVING WELL/DYING WELL

Living well involves making choices minute by minute to have courage, faith and trust that all will be well in spite of what seems. Every minute a fork in the road appears and we can choose whether to go down the path marked “contraction and fear” or the one marked “courage and expansion.” These are the same choices that face us during the dying process. So while it may seem that the options of a person at the end of life are diminished, they are the same options that face every person alive, in every stage of living. Throughout our lives we can practice choosing courage over fear, and where fear overwhelms us and wins out, learn not to struggle against it (thereby giving it more power over us). If we instead accept it as a part of who we are, gradually its power will fade away and the obstacles that it puts in our path will be easier to overcome.

This will be preparation for the experience of transitioning out of this life. All of the principles that apply to living well, are the same principles that carry us through the process of dying well.

LOSING A FRIEND

This week I learned of the death of a college friend. He was someone I spent a great deal of time with when I was in my twenties, but have seldom seen since then. Nevertheless, when word came that he had died, I felt a hole in my life open up as if he had been present on a daily basis, and now was yanked away. How could that be?

After giving it some thought I realized how his warmth, his generosity of spirit, his optimism and laughter had left an imprint on my soul. I understand now that people who sail through our lives spreading joy leave a lasting impression in their wake.

The reverberations of Rich’s energy continue to be felt even though he is no longer in this world. Henri Nouwen says (see previous post) that when someone dies they leave behind lasting gifts which “continue to blossom in our hearts...” My friend will be remembered always by those whose lives he touched. His kindness landed like a seed in the hearts of those with whom he came in contact, and grew like a flower with many petals.

Peace be with you, Rich.

GIFTS OF THOSE WHO HAVE DIED

One of the best-loved spiritual writers of our time, Henri Nouwen, reveals the gifts that the living and the dying can give to one another, in his moving reflection called, Our Greatest Gift (Harper Collins, 1994) Here are some of his comforting thoughts which reflect the circle of life:

“Our thoughts and feelings, our words and writings, our dreams and visions are not just our own; they belong also to the many men and women who have died already and are now living within us. The lives and deaths of these people are still bearing fruit in our lives. Their joy, hope, courage, confidence , and trust haven’t died with them but continue to blossom in our hearts and the hearts of the many who are connected with us in love…We, too, must see to it that our deaths become fruitful in the lives of those who will live after us.”