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Georgia Weithe's Blog

Sunday, December 27, 2009

SHARE YOUR STORY

I anticipated that my father’s death would be the darkest and most depressing experience of my life, but it was exactly the opposite. It was an uplifting event and led me to live my life with greater appreciation for everything and everyone in it. I have met many people who have had a similar experience, and if we can create conversations which allow their voices to be heard, I believe the fear that surrounds death could be diminished. We also need to hear the voices of those who have witnessed people who have died peaceful and accepted deaths. The general perception, because of how death is portrayed in the media, is that everyone is in unbearable physical and emotional pain when they die. This is not true. In my Dad’s case, he accepted his fate, and when his time came he quietly left this world without a struggle; he was at peace.

I would like to invite readers of this blog to share their stories of how they were changed in a positive way by being in the presence of death, whether it’s from the perspective of a family member, a friend or a professional. Wherever you find an opportunity, I hope you will relate your experience. If enough of these stories are injected into the public discourse, perhaps we can lower the temperature of the discussion so that people in this culture can face what lies ahead without fear.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

DEATH PANELS AND OVERCOMING FEAR

In the past months I have been traveling around meeting people and talking about my book, and what has become increasingly clear is how badly we need to have conversations with one another about the subject of death. There is so much fear surrounding the topic, that terms like “Death-Panels” crop up if we contemplate having discussions about our end-of-life wishes. If the subject of death were not so hidden behind a cloud of fear, more of us would be willing to examine our lives from beginning to end, and make informed decisions that could eliminate suffering for ourselves and those who care for us.

I think it’s especially important that we hear stories of people who, like me, have experienced a positive transformation as a result of being present when someone died. If you would like to hear some of these stories you can listen to callers who told their experiences when I was interviewed on the Wisconsin Public Radio show, Here on Earth with host Jean Feraca(http://www.wpr.org/hereonearth/archive_090914k.cfm).

Sunday, August 30, 2009

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE INTELLECT

The intellectual framework we design to explain our feelings toward death doesn’t always stand the test of being exposed to it. We may find that every idea we have gives way to fear when someone we love is dying. But then, gradually, as we walk through the experience with them, and if we stay with them every step of the way, then when it’s over something happens. We think, “Wait a minute…I’m still here; I managed to look death in the eye and it didn’t kill me!” We’re transformed by the experience and on a level that has nothing to do with the intellect, we get the message that death can be faced, and does not have to be feared.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

When Death Comes

by Mary Oliver

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox;

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom; taking the world into my arms.

When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

A PRAYER

Refuse to fall down.
If you cannot refuse to fall down,
refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down,
lift your heart toward heaven,
and like a hungry beggar,
ask that it be filled,
and it will be filled.
You may be pushed down,
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you
from lifting your heart
toward heaven—
only you.
It is in the midst of misery
that so much becomes clear.
The one who says nothing good
came of this,
is not yet listening.

C.P. Estes

Sunday, April 26, 2009

FACING DEATH MEANS CHOOSING LIFE

Facing death involves a choice – we can choose to resist the movement of our lives or we can get on the train of life and allow it to carry us where we are meant to go. There can be no substitute for the clear purpose of heading toward the end of our lives with intention. Pointing ourselves toward where we are heading is not morbid, and does not mean we are dying to the life we are living. It means we are giving form to our existence and viewing with clear sight our present location, as well as our destination. We are not denying where we are heading and thereby shrouding ourselves in the fog of denial-which prevents us not only from seeing where we are going, but where we are currently at.

Monday, March 30, 2009

MELLOWING WITH AGE

Time marches on and prepares us for what lies ahead, if we are willing to become something other than an image we are holding on to. The picture we have of ourselves must be allowed to change with time. The edges become worn with experience but not necessarily frayed. If we focus on the surface image alone, then the tension will cause deterioration. If we allow ourselves to bend and wrinkle and be folded by time, then timelessness becomes part of the wisdom which shapes our aging.

It’s a sad irony that holding on to the picture of youth does not makes us more vibrant and strong, but rather weaker and more fragile. There’s a wisdom and beauty that comes with allowing ourselves to be transformed by the ages and stages we are going through. At the end of our lives we have risen to new heights of wisdom and accomplishment if we allow ourselves to be carried where we are meant to go.

This is a silent achievement which will not receive rewards and recognition from anyone else. We are the only ones who will know and the knowledge of how we have mellowed with age, will allow us to die with contentment and peace.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Faithful Friend

I have learned that death is a teacher and a friend. The crowning achievement of our lives is opening the door to let this faithful friend in. Why would we deny access to the companion that has never deserted us? How could we have lived our lives to the fullest without this teacher and friend that is always present and ready to show us the deeper meaning in everything we do? Would we be so moved by the beauty of a blooming flower if we knew it would live forever? Would we appreciate the need to love deeply and forgive quickly, if we didn’t see that the chance to do that might slip away? Death is the end for which there was a beginning.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

LIVING WELL/DYING WELL

Living well involves making choices minute by minute to have courage, faith and trust that all will be well in spite of what seems. Every minute a fork in the road appears and we can choose whether to go down the path marked “contraction and fear” or the one marked “courage and expansion.” These are the same choices that face us during the dying process. So while it may seem that the options of a person at the end of life are diminished, they are the same options that face every person alive, in every stage of living. Throughout our lives we can practice choosing courage over fear, and where fear overwhelms us and wins out, learn not to struggle against it (thereby giving it more power over us). If we instead accept it as a part of who we are, gradually its power will fade away and the obstacles that it puts in our path will be easier to overcome.

This will be preparation for the experience of transitioning out of this life. All of the principles that apply to living well, are the same principles that carry us through the process of dying well.