GUIDEPOSTS FOR SITTING VIGIL

Today I would like to offer these guideposts for sitting vigil with someone who is dying. I wish I had been given guidance like this when I learned of my Dad’s illness. I hope this proves to be helpful to those seeking to offer assistance to someone who is dying. Please feel free to print out this list of tips and give it to anyone who needs it. If you have others, feel free to contact me and I will incorporate them into the list; or publish them yourself on this blog. Good luck.


Guideposts for Sitting Vigil


1. Wait patiently as the changes take place, and for your loved one to come to terms with their health condition.

2. Cancel all negative thoughts that may arise. Your resistance becomes theirs and your lack of resistance becomes theirs, as well. Surround them with love and you will bring them peace.

3. Waste no time on sadness. Elevate your emotions to gratitude for the contribution your loved one has made in your life. Let love and gratitude guide him/her out of this world.

4. Do not become overly emotional and subject the dying person to more than they can handle.

5. When accompanying a loved one on this journey, we cannot afford to be afraid. There is a resonance that matches each emotion, and the frequency we maintain and project onto others must be chosen very carefully. Exude the essence of faith and belief that will take the dying person to another vibration: that of inner peace

6. Words will not be needed. Be patient and loving and give comfort with your presence.



Excerpted from Shining Moments: Finding Hope in Facing Death by Georgia Lang Weithe (Reflections Press, 2008).

A SECRET

Yes, it’s about Randy Pausch again. What a presence he was; its not easy to forget him and what he showed us about living!

One thing that was startling about him was his smiling face, which beamed out at us in all of his pictures. One wonders how it was possible for him to have such a joyful aspect when living with the knowledge of his impending death. What secret did he know that we do not?

The truth is, we can become every bit as joyful as Randy Pausch. He *chose* his attitude and he was able to play the game of living by his own rules. He could not choose the moment of his death – that was death’s call. But up until his last breath he chose to live life on his own terms.

What attracts us to him is the freedom of choice he displayed. Most of us never knew we had options in the face of death, until we saw the choices he made. He never stopped living until the moment of his dying. He found a way to continue to be alive up until the very end.

So what is the secret? It is this: Each of us can sparkle and shine with the same magic – each and every person has the magic within!

RANDY PAUSCH AND MY OPTIMISM

Sometimes I wonder why, at this stage of my life, I am so attracted to a topic I have run from all my life. I think its partly because I don’t want to be taken by surprise when its my turn to die. I’m studying for the test, so to speak (some of my most terrifying moments were being unprepared for tests in school). The test of facing one’s own death is a test you cannot cheat on so you better be prepared, is how I look at it. But that's not the only reason I have immersed myself in the subject. I am an incurable optimist. I have found that the way for me to survive life’s hard knocks, is to look for something positive that came out of the pain. It is an approach to living that I seized upon as a child and which has never let me down. I have always wanted to believe it was possible to find a reason to be happy. No matter how much I was hurting, I always searched for a ray of light in the dark – and I always found it (sometimes after the fact)

Looking at Randy Pausch’s face beaming out (in the Last Lecture video) from behind his physical and emotional pain, he reminded me once again, that even in the face of death we can choose to find a ray of light.

RANDY PAUSCH HAS DIED

Randy Pausch has died of complications from pancreatic cancer. He was the young professor (age 47) from Carnegie Mellon University who was known for his “Last Lecture” which was released on video and later turned into a best-selling book. He has given us a great gift, in our death-defying culture, by bringing our attention to the fact that death is a part of everyone’s life. He taught us, by his example, that because life doesn’t go on forever we should live each day to the fullest…as if it was the only one we had. In his dying, he taught the rest of us so much about living! He may no longer be with us, but his contributions to our understanding of life and death, will endure. I am very grateful I stumbled upon his video, and I highly recommend it.

AGING GRACEFULLY

Many baby-boomers like myself are realizing we are no longer young; even if we’d like to believe that “60” is the new “40”. And because so many of us are caring for our elderly parents who are nearing the end of their lives, death is right in our face. But the truth is, death is everyone’s companion in this life. It is appropriate when we are young to put our attention on surviving and learning to live in the world. But as we get older, living well involves not dwelling on the fact that death is part of our life experience, but being willing to face that fact and then move on. As with any unpleasant thought, the more we avoid it, the scarier it becomes and the less we are able to escape its influence; because avoiding it drives much of what we do. When we no longer engage in the flight a new fund of energy becomes available. Without having to live on the edge of fear hoping that we won’t encounter either thoughts about death or the fact of its presence, we can turn more completely toward the business of living. The hopefulness I felt about living life deeply, about fulfilling my dreams, about accomplishing my purpose for being here on earth – all of those positive feelings spiked when I disengaged from the grip in which the fear had held me. This can happen to you, too.

ACCEPTANCE = FREEDOM

I’m hearing from a number of people how have read the book and who are not dealing with life/death situations, but who are interested in contemplating the end of life. Its very gratifying to know that Shining Moments is generating a kind of “awakening” in some.

Acceptance of death doesn’t mean dwelling on it. The idea of being preoccupied with one’s death is morbid. But to not acknowledge that it is a step along the continuum of our own life puts limitations on our ability to expand into the possibilities life holds for us. If we are always afraid to peek around the next corner for fear of what we’ll find, then there are many surprises that we’ll never uncover. If we spend our lives trying to avoid the fear of death that is stalking us, our pattern becomes “avoidance”, and the limitation we struggle against, are mostly ones we have placed on ourselves. We hold ourselves back more than anyone else, if we don’t allow ourselves to face our fears.

DEATH'S GIFTS

When TV journalist Tim Russert died suddenly the other day, I was reminded that the awareness of death teaches us how precious our lives are. I have learned to think of death as a teacher and a friend; here are ten things it taught me about how to live:

1. Live your life so you have no regrets.

2. Admit to yourself that life is fleeting and all things as we know them will come to an end; then out of the awareness of the endings, create new beginnings.

3. Begin to heal your life by making choices that allow you to control your own
destiny.

4. Acknowledge the presence of those you love, and honor your spouse or partner, your children and your friends.

5. Never resort to violent acts or bring ruthless thoughts into the realm of your
being.

6. Bring love into every situation and replace vengeance with peaceful, loving
intentions.

7. Elevate your actions to reflect the highest principles of living; show love, respect and honor for all life.

8. Waste no energy on vanity or pride.

9. Be generous and giving and pursue the highest purpose in all you do

10. Let go of life in the sweetest way you know how.