RANDY PAUSCH AND MY OPTIMISM

Sometimes I wonder why, at this stage of my life, I am so attracted to a topic I have run from all my life. I think its partly because I don’t want to be taken by surprise when its my turn to die. I’m studying for the test, so to speak (some of my most terrifying moments were being unprepared for tests in school). The test of facing one’s own death is a test you cannot cheat on so you better be prepared, is how I look at it. But that's not the only reason I have immersed myself in the subject. I am an incurable optimist. I have found that the way for me to survive life’s hard knocks, is to look for something positive that came out of the pain. It is an approach to living that I seized upon as a child and which has never let me down. I have always wanted to believe it was possible to find a reason to be happy. No matter how much I was hurting, I always searched for a ray of light in the dark – and I always found it (sometimes after the fact)

Looking at Randy Pausch’s face beaming out (in the Last Lecture video) from behind his physical and emotional pain, he reminded me once again, that even in the face of death we can choose to find a ray of light.

RANDY PAUSCH HAS DIED

Randy Pausch has died of complications from pancreatic cancer. He was the young professor (age 47) from Carnegie Mellon University who was known for his “Last Lecture” which was released on video and later turned into a best-selling book. He has given us a great gift, in our death-defying culture, by bringing our attention to the fact that death is a part of everyone’s life. He taught us, by his example, that because life doesn’t go on forever we should live each day to the fullest…as if it was the only one we had. In his dying, he taught the rest of us so much about living! He may no longer be with us, but his contributions to our understanding of life and death, will endure. I am very grateful I stumbled upon his video, and I highly recommend it.

AGING GRACEFULLY

Many baby-boomers like myself are realizing we are no longer young; even if we’d like to believe that “60” is the new “40”. And because so many of us are caring for our elderly parents who are nearing the end of their lives, death is right in our face. But the truth is, death is everyone’s companion in this life. It is appropriate when we are young to put our attention on surviving and learning to live in the world. But as we get older, living well involves not dwelling on the fact that death is part of our life experience, but being willing to face that fact and then move on. As with any unpleasant thought, the more we avoid it, the scarier it becomes and the less we are able to escape its influence; because avoiding it drives much of what we do. When we no longer engage in the flight a new fund of energy becomes available. Without having to live on the edge of fear hoping that we won’t encounter either thoughts about death or the fact of its presence, we can turn more completely toward the business of living. The hopefulness I felt about living life deeply, about fulfilling my dreams, about accomplishing my purpose for being here on earth – all of those positive feelings spiked when I disengaged from the grip in which the fear had held me. This can happen to you, too.

ACCEPTANCE = FREEDOM

I’m hearing from a number of people how have read the book and who are not dealing with life/death situations, but who are interested in contemplating the end of life. Its very gratifying to know that Shining Moments is generating a kind of “awakening” in some.

Acceptance of death doesn’t mean dwelling on it. The idea of being preoccupied with one’s death is morbid. But to not acknowledge that it is a step along the continuum of our own life puts limitations on our ability to expand into the possibilities life holds for us. If we are always afraid to peek around the next corner for fear of what we’ll find, then there are many surprises that we’ll never uncover. If we spend our lives trying to avoid the fear of death that is stalking us, our pattern becomes “avoidance”, and the limitation we struggle against, are mostly ones we have placed on ourselves. We hold ourselves back more than anyone else, if we don’t allow ourselves to face our fears.

DEATH'S GIFTS

When TV journalist Tim Russert died suddenly the other day, I was reminded that the awareness of death teaches us how precious our lives are. I have learned to think of death as a teacher and a friend; here are ten things it taught me about how to live:

1. Live your life so you have no regrets.

2. Admit to yourself that life is fleeting and all things as we know them will come to an end; then out of the awareness of the endings, create new beginnings.

3. Begin to heal your life by making choices that allow you to control your own
destiny.

4. Acknowledge the presence of those you love, and honor your spouse or partner, your children and your friends.

5. Never resort to violent acts or bring ruthless thoughts into the realm of your
being.

6. Bring love into every situation and replace vengeance with peaceful, loving
intentions.

7. Elevate your actions to reflect the highest principles of living; show love, respect and honor for all life.

8. Waste no energy on vanity or pride.

9. Be generous and giving and pursue the highest purpose in all you do

10. Let go of life in the sweetest way you know how.

LONELINESS AND LOSS

I know I must make a distinction between facing death, and experiencing loss. I have not, in Shining Moments, addressed the pain of losing a loved one and the grief that follows. It is a subject I will leave to others, for now. But I want to share a poem with those who are mourning the loss of a loved one, that I believe will speak to the experience.

For Loneliness

When the light lessens,
Causing colors to lose their courage,
And your eyes fix on the empty distance
That can open on either side
Of the sunset line
To make all that is
Familiar and near
Seem suddenly foreign,

When the music of talk
Breaks apart the noise
and you hear your heart louden
while the voices around you
slow down to leaden echoes
turning the silence
into something stony and cold,

When the old ghosts come back
to feed on everywhere you felt sure,
do not strengthen their hunger
by choosing to fear;
Rather, decide to call on your heart
that it may grow clear and free
to welcome home your emptiness
that it may cleanse you
like the clearest air
you could ever breathe.

Allow all your loneliness time
to dissolve the shell of dross
that had closed around you;
choose in this severe silence
to hear the one true voice
your rushed life fears;
cradle yourself like a child
learning to trust what emerges,
so that gradually
you may come to know
that deep in that black hole
you will find that blue flower
that holds the mystical light
which will illuminate in you
the glimmer of springtime.

John O'Donohue

CHANGE IS INEVITABLE

Over the course of a lifetime we are transformed many times – born into new stages of life and dying to the last. We go from being an infant to a toddler, then child to adolescent, to young then mature adult, etc. We hardly notice as we are progressing from one phase to the next. We have no fear and we offer no resistance; we recognize the passage into each new stage of life not as a death but as a milestone to be celebrated. The underlying pattern here is this: change is inevitable. It doesn’t hurt to undergo these changes, and part of the reason may be that we offer no resistance.

Our dance partner as we go waltzing through life is death – and death is always in the lead. If we allow it to guide us we will glide over the dance floor with beauty and grace. If we introduce an element of fear, we will stumble. Can we learn to accept death without fear? As Nancy Gibbs says in an essay in Time Magazine referring to the death of her father: “While sorrow is certain, fear is not.”